Words Matter

I have a profound love for words. So many of my favorite things in life have words at their center: reading, writing, conversations, journaling, stories. For me, words have always felt alive, have carried almost a synesthetic quality. Words matter deeply to me.

But even if you aren’t a word person, the reality is that words have shaped your world, your culture, and your identity. The words that others speak to us and over us deeply inform our sense of self and the way we engage our world. Even words carelessly tossed toward us can wound, inform, and mold us.

I have sat with many adults who can describe an interaction that forever shaped how they understood themselves and their place in the world.

“My teacher told me I was stupid. I knew then that school would never be for me.”

“An older kid at school told me I was ugly and fat every time he passed me in the hall. I haven’t been able to look in the mirror without hearing those words since.”

“My dad would get mad and yell ‘what is wrong with you?’ I didn’t know what to say, but he must have been right. Something was wrong with me. Something has always been wrong with me.”

At some level, most of us acknowledge the power of words. We know that words can wound and heal, can build and destroy. The ancient proverb says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue,” (Proverbs 18:21). We know the times when someone’s words have deeply hurt us or spoken life into a place that felt dead and broken. We try to teach our children to speak kindly and honestly.

But I am watching our culture move away from a place where we accept this reality. As we have less face to face interactions with people, we are less likely to see the impact of our words. And, when we do see people hurt by words, it can be easy to dismiss. It can feel easy to tell people to suck it up, let it go, move on, develop tougher skin.

That’s not such easy advice to follow when the right person sends just the perfect word weapon right to our most vulnerable part. It’s easy to tell others to let it go; so much harder when the pain is our own.

Social media also impacts the way we understand the power of our words. I see people write things online that I don’t believe they would ever say to a person’s face. Social media provides a level of anonymity and protection. We can say almost anything we want about someone, particularly public figures, and then move on. If I write something hateful about a public figure, I know they won’t see it. People who agree with me will, and will validate my sentiment. And then it’s over and done. No harm, no foul.

And there are just so many words out there. So many books, so many posts, so many feeds, so many podcasts, so many news shows. There are so many words that it really starts to feel like our words don’t matter. So we can say whatever we want.

This is a massive problem. What we say on the internet, we are saying in real life. We are saying these things about real people and to real people. Real people with feelings and opinions and family and their own joys and heartbreaks. And when we start casually throwing around hateful words and images, we start communicating to ourselves and our community that this is ok.

When we become careless about our words online, we become careless about our words in the rest of our world.

When we are careless about our words, we are thoughtlessly using our most powerful weapon. We are wielding a weapon that has the power to shape identities and cultures.

I get so passionate when I think and write about these things. Each week, I have the honor of sitting with my clients as they share their stories. And each week I hear the power of words. I hear the power of threats, of name-calling, of hurtful and dismissive speech. I hear it and I see the pain it causes.

I also see how much hope words hold.

“I had one teacher who believed in me, who told me she knew I could do it. It changed my life.”

“I had a friend who sent me a text every day after I lost my dad. Her words helped carry me through.”

“My dad told me every day that he loved me and believed in me. I wouldn’t be where I am without today without him.”

Death and life are in your words. In the words that you speak and in the words that you type. You can destroy or build up, wound or heal. Be thoughtful with your words. Choose words of life and hope and truth and healing.

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