The Power of Gentleness

I have this very clear memory of my son as an 18-month-old. It had been one of those rougher mornings, and he wanted to do something that was both dangerous and against the rules, and I told him no. He told me no. He cried. I wanted to cry. He lay on the ground and screamed. I wanted to lay on the ground and scream. Instead, I took a breath and a step back, and I looked at the little boy throwing a complete fit. I picked him up and carried him upstairs. I turned off the lights and picked up his special blanket, and we sat in the rocking chair. I told him that I knew he was sad and angry, and we sat and rocked. And to my surprise, it helped. The angry cry turned to softer sobs, which gradually faded away. For a very long time (at least in toddler land) he sat still, cuddled on my lap. Eventually he looked up at me and smiled, and we were back on track. I’m still not totally sure what was going on for him that morning, but I know that at that moment what he needed was gentleness. The dictionary defines gentle as considerate or kindly in disposition; amiable and tender, not harsh or severe. Sometimes what we need, what our world needs, is gentleness. There’s a story where the prophet Elijah is deeply discouraged and depressed, desperately seeking wisdom, strength, and encouragement. He is presented with a violent wind, a terrible earthquake, and a blazing fire, but the divine is not in any of these forces. Then Elijah hears a “gentle whisper,” and there, in gentleness and stillness, he finds encouragement and strength. We live in a culture that often values and awards those who act like the wind, earthquake, and fire. And, there is a time when I believe we are called to act with bold, decisive force. And there is also a time when we are called to use our strength in a tender and considerate matter, to love and nurture with all the power we possess. Where in your world is gentleness needed? Maybe it is with the friend whose complaining is wearing you down; perhaps what she most needs is compassion and support. Maybe it is with the spouse who you notice is looking tired and worn out; perhaps he or she needs a cup of tea or a backrub. Maybe it is the teenager who is pushing boundaries and handing out attitude; perhaps he or she just needs to be heard, seen, and valued.

And, maybe it is with yourself. Perhaps you are going through a hard time right now, and all you are doing is pushing yourself harder and placing more demands on yourself. We tend to say incredibly harsh things to ourselves, things like “suck it up,” and “why can’t you get your act together.” I wonder how different the world would be if we abandoned these harsh voices and spoke to ourselves with gentleness and compassion instead.

Maybe you need grace and gentleness for others, and maybe you need it for yourself. One thing I’ve seen over and over again is that the gentler we are with ourselves, the more grace we extend to our own hearts, the more able we are to be gentle and gracious with others. And that is most definitely something we need more of in this world.

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