Words... More Words...

By Bradley Olson, Psy.D., M.Div.

It had been a stressful week- just as chaotic but with a few doses of added stress. When Monday came and the dust had settled, Kirsten reflected on the week. The busy kid’s schedules were complicated by an emergency room visit with Tommy, overdue laundry, the quarterly meeting at church, a possible job change for Chad, a fender bender for Casey, and the basketball tournament that went longer than anyone thought the team could win. She and Chad shared the duties as usual. They had settled into a routine that seemed to work for them. She couldn’t imagine managing four kids without a partner. She was grateful for his steady presence and support. She read somewhere that women speak 20,000 words a day and men speak only 7,000. Chad was a good listener, but she chuckled as she recalled their conversation over the weekend that ended with “More words Chad. I would like to hear more words.”

Then it happened…

The phone rang about 10am that Monday. She answered. It was Chad.

“Kirsten?” He said.

She knew instantly that something was up. She paused and felt her heart pound just a little more.

“Yes… What’s going on?”

“Well, do you have a minute?”

“Yes” she responded.

He paused a few seconds, then deliberately and with conviction said, “Well, I’ve thought about it long enough, and though it’s hard for me to do, I think it’s the right decision for me… it’s time for me to leave.”

Her world was obliterated in less than a minute. Her heart was pounding hard. She stopped breathing. Her eyes welled up with tears. There were only a few words to be found, and they were stuck in her throat.

“Kirsten?” Chad inquired. “What do you think?”

She couldn’t think. The shock and pain was too much. She slumped on the floor of the kitchen and managed to gasp enough air to mutter “Umm… I have to go”.

Her silence and obvious pain confused him. He had no idea she would struggle so much with his decision. I mean, after all, they discussed this possibility over the weekend. So, how on earth could she be so blown away by his decision to leave his job for the job offer that came his way last week!?

Words can destroy a person’s character in a few seconds. They can fill someone’s love tank in a sentence. And a few more words can change a conversation… in a very helpful way.

Words… more words, Chad…

Kirsten hasn’t recovered yet.

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