YOU

I have the gift of knowing some very remarkable women. Consider the women in my immediate family. My mom is exceptionally grounded, practical, and caring. She takes whatever life brings and responds in a calm and loving way. She is unflappable. My sister has two toddlers and the patience of a saint. She engages her children beautifully and is patient, consistent, and nurturing. She also has incredible taste, and with about $25 dollars can redecorate a room or find the perfect outfit. My sister-in-law is outrageously funny, incredibly generous, and has the gift of making people comfortable. She is the life of the party. She is the party.

It’s easy for me to look at them and see all of the things they are that I am not. I can assure you that not once has anyone referred to me as unflappable, patient as a saint, or the life of the party. I am not any of those things. As long as I compare myself to their standard, I will never measure up.

But what if they are not the standard I am supposed to use?

It’s so easy to look at the gifts, strengths, and temperaments of other people and to compare ourselves to that standard. It’s easy to imagine that the people around us set the bar for who and what we are supposed to be. But this is not the case. We each have our own unique temperaments and gifts to offer the world. The world doesn’t need me to try and be someone I am not; it needs me to be who I am.

I was recently talking to someone who is the lone introvert in a very extroverted family. It’s easy for her to feel flawed because she is so different from her family; she sees the world differently and has entirely different needs. And sometimes, she feels like her way is lacking or deficient. But her family and friends don’t need her to try and act like them; they need her to be wholly herself, and to offer her introspection, wisdom, and insight. They need her quiet in their loud.

We tend to overlook our own strengths and gifts because they come so naturally to us. If something feels natural or easy for us, it’s easy to assume that it is natural for other people too, and to downplay the gift. My husband is a brilliant handyman; he can literally fix anything. The way that his brain works and his life experiences have uniquely equipped him for this job. But because his brain works that way and he has collected all this knowledge, it’s easy for him to forget that most people don’t see things the same way he does. To him, what he does feels like no big deal. To the rest of us, it's a very big deal.

Some of the gifts you have to offer the world, your unique brilliance and creativity and skills, may feel like they come pretty naturally to you. But that does not diminish what you are offering or how much the world needs it.

I’ve been looking around a lot lately, admiring the gifts and talents and personalities of the people I know. I have a friend who has amazing insight, another who can effortlessly make people laugh. I know someone who is creative to her core, and someone else who is a magnet for every child within a five mile radius.

I am so glad that our world is filled with people with so many various, unique, and compelling gifts. I love seeing people using their natural talents and abilities and sharing the skills they have carefully cultivated. It can bring us great joy to stop and recognize the giftedness and skill in each other.

But we must be careful not to compare ourselves. Not to believe that we are less than or unworthy because we don’t have the same talents, temperament, or skill set. We all have gifts. There is a light side to each temperament, strengths and beauty that we all possess and can offer the world. Your gifts may fly under your radar because they come so naturally to you; you may not pay careful attention to what you have to offer. But your family and friends and your community, need you. They need you living fully and authentically out of who you are.

These days I am making a concentrated effort to recognize and appreciate the giftedness of those around me. I am also working to acknowledge the gifts I have to offer the world. Rather than try to be something or someone I am not, I am working to live fully out of who I was made to be.

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