Blind Spots
- by Lauren Shaw, PhD
- Feb 14, 2017
- 3 min read
My husband and I recently saw a movie that we could not stop raving about. Then my parents saw it, and they definitely did not rave about it. My dad fell asleep and they both thought the ending was too sad; I thought it was beautiful and bittersweet.
Jim and I were talking about it, and he flippantly said, “Well, it makes sense. You like sad things.”
I immediately thought, “That’s not true. I like happy things.” But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that many of my favorite books and movies are kind of sad. I like things that feel bittersweet. I love it when a book makes me cry or feel tender.
I sometimes like sad things, but I honestly had no idea that this was true.
It’s a really minor aspect of my personality, but it’s always such a weird feeling when someone else knows something about you that you hadn’t yet recognized in yourself.
These are blind spots. Blind spots are the parts of our personality that other people see and know about, but that we don’t see in ourselves. We all have blind spots. I can guarantee that there are parts of who you are and how you work that you know nothing about. And there is a good chance that the people around you can see these things as clear as day.
A classic example of a blind spot is the parent who yells at his child for yelling and then turns to you and says, “I don’t know why he yells so much.”
A blind spot can be anything, from the minor to the significant. I remember one time someone told me I say “absolutely” all the time. I didn’t know that I said it all that often, but once I got that feedback, I couldn’t believe how obnoxiously frequently I said it. Or, a blind spot can be a big thing; that you have a temper issue, that you play a major role in your marital troubles, or that you are struggling with depression.
Sometimes, a blind spot is revealed to us before we are ready to see it. I know someone who for years felt angry when her doctor mentioned her poor self-care habits due to excessive work and travel. She heard what her doctor said but it didn’t match her perception of herself and how she lived her life. Once a trusted friend expressed concern, it was as if a light turned on.
“I could instantly see how the late nights, fast food, stress, and travel were adding up and taking a toll on me. It was something I had been totally in denial about until that moment, even though I had heard others express the same concern.”
Blind spots are parts of ourselves that seem obvious to everyone else. And we all have them.
It is unnerving to be confronted with a blind spot. I start to wonder what else I may be missing that everyone sees. If I am feeling brave, I try to ask those close to me if there is anything they are aware of that I seem oblivious to.
“Is there anything about me that seems obvious to you that I seem to miss?”
It’s a terrifying question, but can reveal very useful and productive information. A few words of caution: be sure to ask this question of people you love and trust who know you well. Remember that just because someone says something, does not make it true. You can carefully think about and consider their feedback before deciding whether you agree with it or not and what you want to do with it.
The better we know ourselves, the more equipped we are to care for ourselves well and manage our own mental, emotional, and relational health. Uncovering blind spots can help us to know ourselves better.
It’s risky business, but so is going through life blind.
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