So Many Ways

I have a nice little morning routine on the days that I work. I like to leave my house about an hour and a half before I see my first client. Thanks to traffic, trains, and school zones, it takes me about 45 minutes to get to work at that time of day. Then I spend some time returning phone calls and emails, taking care of billing, and most significantly getting myself and my space ready for the day ahead. My schedule is packed tightly, so this time and space are an important part of making my work life work well.

I have a coworker (who also happens to be my brother), who lives less than a mile from my house. He leaves work about 47 minutes before he sees his first client. He gets to work, takes off his coat, turns on his light, and is ready to go.

Let me be honest about an ugly part of myself. Sometimes I can be judgmental. I’m working on it, but it’s there.

And sometimes I look at my coworker (who also happens to be my brother) and I get a little judgey. Even though he gets to work on time, I think that he is somehow less responsible than I am because he leaves such a narrow margin. I pretend that I am working harder because I get to the office earlier.

I told you this was an ugly part of me.

The truth is that there are lots of healthy and acceptable ways to be an adult. What works for one person does not work for another. Our needs, circumstances, personalities and preferences all differ. There are so many factors that play into how we structure our lives, how we make our choices, and what we prioritize.

My brother’s morning routine is totally valid. My morning routine is totally valid. I don't need to leave later because he does, and he doesn't need to leave earlier because that's the way I do it. There are lots of acceptable ways to be an adult.

I am not talking about moral issues here, though we do tend to take preferences and priorities and turn them into moral issues. I recently overheard a conversation between two mothers about preschool. One mother was saying that they enrolled their child in a local preschool because they believed it was the most academically rigorous and they believed it would set their child up for success. The other said that they were skipping preschool and saving money for college. Different perspective, different approaches. Both valid choices.

I have heard people say that it is “better” to be a morning person. I don’t believe it. I think this is one of the many areas where it is not about right or wrong or better or worse. It’s about who you are and how you work best. There are lots of valid ways to be an adult.

It is so easy to get stuck in the mentality that our way is the best way. We understand our reasons and decision making process. That’s why we make the choices we make in the first place. We have no idea what reasons and process someone else went through. Perhaps, if we were in their position, we would do the same thing.

There are so many areas in which this applies. What we eat, how we care for our homes, how we spend our free time, how we parent, how we manage our finances, how we operate within our marriages. I am not saying there is not right or wrong; it’s not about that at all. But many of the things that we get caught up in have nothing to do with right or wrong, but are about preference and personality.

There are so, so many ways to be a healthy, valid adult. It looks different for everybody. And we waste a whole lot of our time and energy thinking about how other people do things, comparing our way of being to theirs.

There are a few mantras that I find myself repeating often. One of my favorites is “there are lots of valid ways to be a healthy adult.” It reminds me that it is not my job to figure out what that looks like for anybody else. It’s enough work figuring out what it looks like for me to be a healthy adult.

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