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Rest Well

Lauren Shaw, Ph.D.
Jan 10, 2017
3 min read

My middle child doesn’t fall to sleep. She crash lands. She is one of those children who seems to have an on/off switch. She is either full of energy and noise and movement, or she is fast asleep. She literally wakes up mid-sentence, picking up where she left off the night before. When she was a toddler, we would frequently find her sleeping with half her body on the bed and half her body off the bed. There is no in between with her. There is on and off, stop and go, and nothing in the middle.

There are a lot of adults that I know that aren’t that different. They are “on” when they are at work, parenting, or doing all the things adults must do. And they are “off” when they are sleeping or in disconnection mode. Disconnection mode is the place where we mindlessly watch TV, zone out in front of our phones, or numb ourselves with food or alcohol or video games or shopping.

I think we’ve forgotten how to rest.

Maybe we never learned.

Being a fully healthy adult involves learning to be on, learning to be off, and learning how to rest. We need all three states to be our whole, healthy selves. Disconnection is easier than resting; it requires less of us. But there is very little room in a healthy life for disconnection.

This is not to say that there is not room for TV, social media, food, video games, or shopping. There is a difference when you approach these activities from a place of inner connection and engagement and when you use them to zone out and disengage. It’s a difference that isn’t visible on the outside, but can be felt internally if you are paying attention.

I know I am disengaging when I am paying more attention to a screen than the people around me. I know I am disengaging when I am excessively multitasking my entertainment, constantly browsing social media while watching TV while texting. I know I am disengaging when I am ignoring the things I need to do to be healthy and love the people in my life well. I know I am disengaging when I end the time no more rested or energized than when I started.

But if I am not paying attention, I miss all these signs.

Resting is more than zoning out and disconnecting. Resting involves intentionally engaging in activities that restore and replenish. Rest does for our emotional and mental health what sleep does for our bodies. Rest is often an active pursuit that requires our mind, body, and emotions. Resting fills our tanks.

What is restful for one person may not be restful for someone else. My sister is very artistic, and is often working on a new craft or home project. Crafting is restful for her; it energizes her. I sometimes like crafting, but it is not restful to me. My mom finds puzzles restful; I find them frustrating. I find reading, going on walks, coffee with a friend, journaling, and baking restful. These activities all require something of me; I am an active participant. But when I finish, I feel fuller than when I started.

When I was thinking about what I wanted 2017 to look like, one of the phrases that kept circling my mind was “work hard, rest well.” The working hard part comes pretty naturally to me, and to many of us. As a culture, we prize hard work and dedication. The resting well piece is a little more foreign. I want to learn how to rest well, and I want to make it a priority in my life. Will you join me?