Expectations

This year I decided to do extensive holiday baking and deliver plates of cookies to friends and neighbors. I love baking, my kids love baking with me, and it seemed like a lovely way to extend holiday greetings to people we care about.

I had such a lovely vision. I carefully selected which recipes would go together well and look pretty on the plates. I picked which child could help with each recipe, and came up for jobs for each of them. We planned to deliver them on Sunday, and I envisioned driving around with Christmas music on, my rosy-cheeked children proudly handing over the plates of cookies and saying “Merry Christmas.”

I bet you can guess where this is going.

The reality was not like the vision in my head. My two-year-old’s investment in helping was basically licking every cooking utensil and gnawing on a stick of butter that I was warming. The seven-year-old wanted to play outside and had very little interest in helping. The five-year-old was eager and joyful, so at least one-third of the vision cooperated. The cookies looked like they had been made by children, which was quite accurate. Somehow, I had not factored the gigantic, colossal mess in the kitchen into my beautiful vision.

When we went to deliver cookies, it was -78 degrees outside, so no one really wanted to get out of the car, plus the kids were fighting so much I couldn’t hear the Christmas music.

It was nothing like I imagined.

The thing is, it was still pretty sweet. We laughed a lot as we were baking and cleaning. The cookies were messy but delicious. We delivered plates of cookies to people we care about, which was meaningful to us and hopefully spread some Christmas cheer. It was a total success, just nothing as perfect as I had expected.

I’ve been parenting for seven years, and living life about five times that long. You would think I would have figured out by now that things rarely ever go as expected.

But sometimes my expectations still get in the way of being present in the moment. This seems to happen most around holidays and special events. I have expectations for how something will go and what it will look like. I imagine my family acting and responding in a certain way. I expect it to look like the beautiful pictures I see splashed across Pinterest and social media. And then I get really upset when something goes wrong, when a baby poops on her beautiful Christmas dress, or a child decides he would rather hide in a closet with a box than socialize at a party.

Most of us have expectations for holidays. We want things to look and feel a certain way. We put a lot of energy into creating a certain experience for the people we love. Those expectations aren’t bad things, and certainly the energy we put into holiday plans can help us create something meaningful.

But if we hold too tightly to our expectations and visions, we lose the beauty of what actually is. We lose the joy that comes with chaos and mess and noise, the humor that can be found when plans get derailed, and the beauty that is the complicated reality of life together.

Here is my Christmas challenge for you (and for me). Let’s have our expectations and dreams and visions. But let’s hold them very loosely. Let’s leave lots of room for reality; for lost shoes, running late, tired children, and burnt turkey. Let’s leave room for our families, our children, and ourselves to be so very human. Let’s extend lots of grace to ourselves and those around us. And let’s focus on finding the joy and beauty in what is. In small feet in footy pajamas, in hot-chocolate mustaches, in twinkle lights, silent or not-so-silent nights, singing off-key, and squirming through church services. Let's hold our expectations loosely and enjoy the beauty in the little, imperfect moments.

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