Being Human
- Lauren Shaw, PhD
- Dec 5, 2016
- 3 min read
During this year’s presidential campaign, there were numerous times when the candidates’ health became a major point of concern. Hillary Clinton had pneumonia and had to take several days off to rest. Donald Trump’s sniffles were heard round the world. In the primaries Ted Cruz took several sick days during peak campaigning time. Each time someone got sick, the press went crazy, questioning the overall health of the candidates and their physical fitness to be president.
And I get it. We want our president to be physically fit to carry out what is undoubtedly one of the most taxing jobs on the planet.
But as I watched all of it, I couldn’t help but feel sympathy for the candidates. Are they really not allowed to get sick? They are flying to multiple cities every day, on their feet for hours on end, eating who knows what, and we condemn them for getting sick? Do we expect our political figures to be superhuman, to defy the limitations we all have?
I think that is exactly what we expect from our public figures, and perhaps more to the point, I think many of us expect that of ourselves.
Most of us have very high expectations for ourselves. We are supposed to be successful in our jobs, which should also be highly meaningful to us. We are supposed to be engaged in our families, investing in our marriages and our children, making magical memories and making it all Pinterest-worthy. We are supposed to eat healthy and exercise and read and build community and serve. We are supposed to do all those things all the time. There is not room for rest or sickness. There is no room to be human.
I am sick today. Not high-fever or throwing-up sick, but I have been hit hard with a nasty cold. It’s my fourth day of feeling lousy, and truth be told, I am mad about it. I don’t want to feel sick. I want to do all the things I am supposed to do. I don’t have time to be sick.
This is not a healthy reaction. I am human. I will get sick and I will feel tired. I have limitations.
But even as I type that out, something about it does not sit well. There is a part of me that resists accepting and honoring my human limitations. And I think it has a lot to do with the expectations I have for myself and my need to perform and produce and be tough and push through.
That need to perform and be tough has carried me a long way. It is the part of me that gets things done, that works hard, that takes care of my work and my family. There is a lot of good to that part of me.
But it’s also a dangerous part. It’s a part that can be ungracious and demanding, that relies too much on my own strength, that is out of tune with the wisdom of rest, self-care, and gentleness. It is both a reflection of the world’s expectations of me and the expectations that I project onto those around me.
I want to learn from that dangerous part of me. I want to learn what it means to honor and accept my humanity, my need for rest. I want to be gentle with myself when I am sick, and I want to learn to react to others with graciousness and compassion.
I want to live in the reality that someone can get a cold or respiratory infection and still be completely fit to be president. Or a parent. Or a therapist. Or whatever. I want to live in the reality that getting sick and needing rest are not flaws or failings but an essential part of every human's experience. I want to model healthy self-care and realistic expectations to my children and my community.
We all have our work to do, and this is part of mine. I have learned that if something is my work, there are other people who have the same mountain to climb. So if this is one of your mountains too, let’s do it together. Let’s practice naps and hot tea and time off when we are sick. Let’s not profusely apologize for every human need or limitation we experience. Let’s be gracious and gentle to others when they are sick or hurt or tired, whether they are our spouses, our neighbors, or someone running for president.
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