Bigger Dreams

Last week I was talking to a young woman who is in her sophomore year of college. She is funny, insightful, friendly, adventurous, brave, and wise beyond her years. We were talking about her struggle with body image and self-confidence, and she said “I just dream of getting on the scale and hitting that magic number. The weight I was at my freshman year of high school. I dream of seeing that number on the scale.”

She said it lightly, flippantly even. But her words have haunted me since. In her words, I hear ghosts of so many other words that I have heard women speak, ghosts I believe every woman confronts regularly. I hear whispers of sizes we dream we could be, images of how we think we should look, physical ideals we should represent.

I have two young daughters. They are little enough that thoughts of weight and dreams of skinniness are not a part of their reality, and I desperately wish I could keep it that way forever. Because it breaks my heart to think that one day they may waste a precious dream on a number on the scale.

We live in this great big, amazing, mysterious, beautiful world. There is so much to see and experience and explore. And we have so much to offer; so much good we can do, so much love we can give, so much change we can impart. There are places to go, books to read, music to hear, beauty to create, people to love, things to experience.

And yet we live in a culture that teaches young women that it is important to dream about numbers on a scale and sizes printed on the tag of our pants.

It breaks my heart.

I believe deeply in the importance of taking care of our bodies. In feeding ourselves in ways that truly nurture us. In exercise for the benefit of mental, emotional, and physical health. In freedom from addiction to food. In enjoying feeling good and healthy and strong. But all of this is so much more complex and holistic than a number on the scale.

This is a hard topic to write about. Our relationships with weight and body image are complicated and deeply personal. I worry about saying the wrong thing, about not being clear, about offending. At the same time, it matters too much to avoid talking about. I see so many women wasting their dreams on the scale.

This is what I want to say to women, especially young women. These are the realities I want to live out, not just with my words, but with the way I care for myself and think and act around issues related to weight and food and bodies.

You have so much to offer the world. You have so many big dreams to dream. You can experience so many wonderful things, and you can do so many wonderful things. You are heart and soul and mind and spirit. Your body is a gift to be appreciated, not a project to be undertaken. You are so much more than the number on a scale or the size on the tag of your pants. Please, please do not waste your precious self and your big dreams on the scale.

Glennon Doyle Melton writes, “Your body is not your art, it’s your paintbrush.” I love it. I love it so much.

Let’s value our bodies for what they give us, for what they can do, for how they can act and move and experience. Let’s treat them well. Let’s use our whole selves to live out big dreams.

#laurenshaw #bodyimage #women #relationships #counseling #therapy #arlingtoncounselingassociates #thearlingtoncenter