Do You Need Anything? (Part Two)

Some of our good friends had a baby in the middle of August. They are in that bleary-eyed haze that parents of toddlers and newborns know so well. The other day the father told me he was "so tired I feel deranged,” so I know they are feeling it.

And I wanted to do something to help. I know that exhaustion, the flood of happy and tired and a little edgy and freaked out. But so often it is hard to know exactly what is needed. How do you help someone when you see they are in a place where they could use some extra support?

And, on the flip side, how do we let others help us, join us in our struggle or exhaustion or pain? The ability to graciously receive help and meaningfully extend help are key markers of maturity and health. We need to know how to ask for and receive help, love, and support. And we need to be able to see the needs of others and extend help, love, and support. But how do we do that? What does that actually look like?

First, we can ask. We can ask the people we love what we can do to help them. Is there anything specific that they need or that would make this season feel less heavy? If someone is offering you help, ask yourself if there is anything that your loved one could do to help you feel happier and healthier?

Several years ago a mentor told me that any time someone asked, “Is there anything you need?” or “can we do anything for you?” my job was to yes and think of a specific way they could extend support. This led to a sweet friend vacuuming my stairs one day. It was both humbling and freeing to see how eager my friend was to help. I was pregnant and sick, and as I sat on the couch and drank my coffee, she vacuumed my stairs. It could’ve gone undone. But in that moment, our relationship grew deeper and I received the help she lovingly offered. It was a really good moment.

So ask the person you care for what you can do to help them. And if you are in a place to receive help, try and be specific about how you can be supported and encouraged.

Sometimes we just don’t know what we need. Sometimes it is too overwhelming to think beyond the moment of pain. Sometimes we just don’t have an answer to the question. In those moments, we have to get creative.

If you are looking to help someone, think of how that person tends to help others. One of my friends is wonderful at checking in and asking caring questions. When she is struggling, I try and do the same for her. Often the way that we show love is a way we like to receive love. Think through how your loved one engages others, and try to serve them in that same way.

And finally, there are some things that universally and effectively express care and concern. Deliver flowers, make a meal, offer to babysit children, send a gift card, drop off coffee or tea, write an encouraging note, offer to sit with someone who is hurting. These are almost fail proof ways to communicate love and support. If you don’t know what to do, try one of those things. And if someone offers one of those things, always, always say yes. Every time.

We all know how important it is that we know how to love and care for others well. Sometimes, what gets in the way is simply not knowing what to do.

Even more challenging is the call to learn how to ask for and receive help in a gracious way. This is not a skill that is taught or modeled well in our culture, but I believe it is essential for health and maturity.

This week I want to extend a challenge. Try and find someone to help, someone to support or encourage in a specific way. And, try and receive help in a gracious manner. Everyone has something to offer and everyone could use a little extra encouragement. Let’s be people who see each other and care for each other well.

#askingforhelp #support #relationships #counseling #arlingtoncounselingassociates #thearlingtoncenter #laurenshaw