When you see THAT parent. When you are THAT parent.

Last night I was scrolling Facebook and I read a post from someone I knew in high school. She had witnessed a child having a total, all out, screaming meltdown in the grocery store, and she wrote that she didn’t know how parents survived. The post was pretty compassionate, but the comments that came pouring in were not. Most of them spoke to “poor parenting,” “parental laziness,” “lack of parent education,” and “the need for discipline.”

It may sound silly, but I have never been so triggered by something I saw on Facebook.

Because the truth is, I’ve been that parent. I’ve been the one in the grocery store with a child who appeared to be losing her ever-loving mind. I’ve been the mom with the kid who bites in church nursery. I’ve been the parent carrying the thrashing and screaming toddler away from the playground. I’ve been THAT parent.

I’ve wondered what the judgement of others may be, and last night I saw those feared judgments written out and explicitly stated. Yup, some people are thinking exactly what I was afraid they might be thinking.

Here are some things I know: I am not a lazy parent. I certainly do not lack the necessary education. I do discipline my children. I am not a perfect parent. I do not have perfect children. We are doing our very best with the resources and challenges we have been given.

I think those things are true for most parents.

I had to repeat those things to myself over and over again last night. I had to go off of facebook and not allow myself to keep checking for extra comments. But I haven’t stopped thinking about it.

Here’s what I want you to know when you see a child melting down in a public place.

Children are still learning to self-regulate. It is developmentally normal for children to sometimes melt down, often very loudly. This doesn’t mean that all the tantruming behaviors are acceptable, just that it is part of the growing up process. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with the parents or the child.

There is a lot to the story that you don’t know. Each child and family has their own history and story and needs and strengths and challenges. You don’t know the developmental or disciplinary history of that child or that family. A parent who is pretending to ignore a tantrum is not necessarily being lazy by any means. There is a lot you don’t know about the situation.

Parenting is hard. It is absolutely wonderful and amazing, and unbelievably, incredibly difficult.

And here is what I want you to know when it is your child melting down in a public place.

There may be people around you thinking mean and judgmental thoughts. Just because someone else may be thinking something does not make it true.

There are most likely people around you thinking supportive thoughts. People who have been there too. People who get it.

This moment will not last forever. Sometime soon there will be snuggles and affection and reconnection.

Take some deep breaths. Just because parenting is hard does not mean you are doing it wrong or that there is something “wrong” with your child. Throwing fits and melting down can be a part of healthy development.

At one time or another, almost every parent is THAT parent. It’s okay.

Like almost everything in life, this comes down to grace. Let’s be gracious with ourselves and with each other. With our children and with other people’s children. Let’s intentionally pursue becoming the most loving, engaged, and wise parents we can be. Let’s support other parents. Let’s be gentle and supportive with one another, and gentle and supportive with ourselves.

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