Now and Next

We took our kids to the fireworks on July 4th. It was a perfectly cool summer night, and the kids were running and playing with friends while we waited for the show to start. As the sun went down we spread out our blanket, pulled out the special snacks, and snuggled in together. It was idyllic. One of those rare moments where everyone is happy and everything is unfolding just as I had imagined it would.

And then, between spectacular explosions, one of my children looks up at me.

“Are we doing anything fun tomorrow?”

Are you kidding me?! We are literally right in the middle of a magical moment, and you are thinking about what’s next?

This has been one of those recurrent frustrations of parenting that I never expected. We are working hard to teach our children to be grateful and to avoid entitlement and greed. And yet they are constantly asking about what is next. What is the next treat? When is the next fun thing? Sometimes, when they are still in the middle of some fun treat. It makes me crazy.

But maybe it makes me crazy because I know how much it mirrors my own heart. Maybe (and I desperately want this to be true), it’s not just my children and it’s not just me. Maybe it is human nature to rush ahead, to want to move to the next thing, the next season, the next adventure.

We all know the story about the high school student who couldn’t wait for college, who became the college student who couldn’t wait to start a real job, who became the employee who couldn’t wait to be married, who became the spouse who couldn’t wait to be a parent, and so on and so on. And maybe we know the story so well because, for many of us, it is our story.

There are some deep spiritual waters to tread here, deep questions about life’s purpose and meaning and the source of contentment and happiness. Those are waters worth exploring.

But there are also some less weighty forces at play. Sometimes it is just hard to be present. Sometimes we are worried about not having enough, whether it’s time or adventure or fun or resources. And so we worry and plan and scramble to get more, even when we could be in the middle of enjoying what we currently have. Sometimes we are so caught up in the thinking ahead that we lose the now.

Regardless of the source, when we spend our energy thinking about what is next, we lose our ability to savor and delight in what is now. And that is a tragic loss.

So how do we stay present? This is very much a journey that I am still on. But I am finding some tools that are helpful.

First, I have noticed that the more unplugged I am, the easier it is to be in the moment and not worrying about what others are doing or what comes next. One of the downfalls of technology is that it basically allows us to be in multiple places at one time. We can be at the office and at our kid’s ballgame. We can be in church and on the phone. It keeps our mind spinning ahead and to other places, and makes it harder to focus on the now. If you are struggling to stay present, perhaps it is a good time to think about setting boundaries on how technologically connected you are.

Another useful tool for fighting the urge to rush ahead is grounding. Take some deep breaths. Become fully aware of the moment you are in. What do you see? What do you feel? What do you hear and smell? Be aware of the pull to rush forward and choose to stay present by immersing yourself in the emotional and sensory realities of the present.

And finally, gratitude. I have a print in my living room that says “gratitude turns what we have into enough.” It’s so true. When you feel pulled ahead, take some big breaths and list things that you are currently thankful for.

When my little one asked what we were doing next, I pointed to the fireworks. Look at how big! Look at how beautiful! That was the loudest one yet! Together, we got caught up in the moment again. Later, we could talk about what came next. But that was a moment I didn’t want either of us to miss.

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