Light and Dark

The other day I had an interesting conversation with a friend about our goals for the summer. My friend wants to add more structure and routine into her summer; she wants to find rhythms that work well when her kids are out of school and they have stretches of unscheduled time. I want to add more spontaneity and adventure to our summer; to break out of routines, invite in a little more chaos, and let go of some of my need for order. If you really think about it, our goals are completely opposite.

Which kind of reflects our temperaments in this area. She is flexible and adventurous, and often feels the needs for more structure. I am oriented toward order and routine, and often feel like I want to be more spontaneous and fun. We both know our strengths and want to grow into our areas of weakness.

That conversation made me think. Every personality trait has a light and dark side. When I am in a healthy space, my orientation toward structure helps me to live intentionally according to my priorities. It helps me stay in healthy rhythms. When I am in an unhealthy space, my orientation toward structure leads to rigidity, inflexibility, and attempts to control and manipulate. The orientation itself is not good or bad. It’s just a preference. How it manifests depends on how healthy and self-aware I am.

The same can be said for almost any personality trait. Introversion, extroversion, persistence, persuasiveness, gentleness, conscientiousness, agreeableness, decisiveness. Each trait has both a light and dark side. When we are healthy, we live out our personalities in a way that is open, true to ourselves, and responsive to the needs and health of those around us. When we are unhealthy, we live out our personalities in a way that is harsh and uncompromising, dangerous to ourselves and those around us.

I want to live out my personality in a way that is healthy and whole. There is a tension there, in the land between “I am who I am, and that’s just how it is” and “who I am is flawed, I must change everything.” I think that tension looks something like embracing the light side of your personality traits and pushing into those. In seeing that there is goodness and beauty in exactly how you were made, in acknowledging that there are endless ways to be a healthy and happy adult. I think it also looks like acknowledging the dark side of your personality traits, in being aware of what your tendencies are when you are living in an unhealthy place. It looks like striving to be as healthy and whole as you can be, so that the light of who you are shines through. And, as is so often the case, when we can extend the same grace and understanding to others that we are learning to extend to ourselves, the whole process will be deeper and richer.

Personality traits are really pretty neutral things. Even something that at first read sounds bad, like stubbornness, can be a wonderful thing when it presents as perseverance, tenacity, and persistence. Let’s work to embrace the light and acknowledge the dark, so that we can grow into the healthy and whole people we were created to be.

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