I'm So Tired

You know those adorable Mother’s Day fill-in-the-blanks that everyone was posting recently, asking kids questions about their moms? Apparently my four-year-old thinks I am a decade older than I am, but she also said I weigh 7 pounds and love to go on walks and give hugs, so I decided to let that slide.

My first grader’s responses were equally sweet and endearing. But I did notice one disturbing theme in his answers.

What makes my mom happy? When we sleep in.

What does my mom do to relax? Take a nap.

What does mom say a lot? I’m tired. (Ok, “I love you” was his first response. But still, the theme is there).

Really, he could’ve presented me in a slightly more flattering light.

But the truth is, he is right. I am tired! I have three little kids, a job that I love, and a full life. I am tired. And so are most of us. I’ve noticed that when I ask people “how are you?” the most common answers I get are “tired” and “busy.”

It’s made me stop and think about being tired, and what I want to do with that. I don’t think that I want “tired” to be my standard response. There are some seasons of life when that is just part of the package. When you have a newborn. When you have sick kids. When you are preparing for a major move or studying for finals or working on a major project at work. There are some seasons where physical and emotional exhaustion is just part of the deal.

There is a piece of this that feels really important to normalize. It is not a problem if you feel tired at the end of the day. This is how your body is supposed to function. If you are working hard, physically, mentally, and/or emotionally, then at the end of the day, you should be tired. That is actually a sign of health. If you are up multiple times a night every night with toddlers and babies, you should be tired. Tired is your body’s way of telling you it needs more sleep. Which you most certainly know and would love to do. If you are in that season, take some deep breaths. It will not last forever. You will not be this tired forever.

But if you are sleeping through the night and are still tired at 10 a.m., there is probably something different going on. I’ve realized there are different kinds of tired. There is the physical exhaustion you feel when you aren’t getting enough sleep. There is the emotional exhaustion you feel when life is stressful, relationships are tense, you are too busy, or you are not getting enough time to relax or play. There is the satisfied tired you feel at the end of a productive work day, at the end of a long run, or at the completion of a major project. That kind of tired says you worked hard and it is time to be done working.

It can be very helpful to identify what kind of fatigue you are feeling, because then you can determine what you need in response. If you are physically tired, you need sleep. This may require putting projects and hobbies on hold longer than you planned. It may require going to be earlier or taking the occasional nap. And if you are getting plenty of sleep and still feel exhausted, it may be worthwhile to talk to your doctor and see if there are any underlying physical issues that need to be addressed.

If you are emotionally tired, you need to give yourself emotional rest. This looks different for different people. My husband just got back from a wilderness trip where he camped in the snow, didn’t have access to electricity or plumbing, and didn’t shower for almost a week. This would not be emotionally energizing for me, but he came back refreshed and recharged. When you are emotionally exhausted, you need to figure out what will fill your tank, whether it is a long walk, a warm bath, a good book, lunch with a friend, or time in your garden.

I don’t want “I’m tired” to be a standard response for me long-term. I’m still in a season of life that there is a large portion of that I cannot control. But there is a portion that I can control. I can go to bed earlier. I can let the laundry sit a little longer and take a Sunday nap. I can make sure that even if I am physically tired, I am actively seeking emotional rest. These are not easy choices to make. In a world that pushes us to go and do and achieve, it can feel easier to be tired than to do what it takes to feel rested.

But this is one of those areas where I think the harder choice is actually easier. When we are well-rested, we can better cope with the normal stresses of life. We have more energy for the work that is before us. We can be more present and connected in our relationships. And we can more fully enjoy all the good things around us. We need to remember that rest is not a cop out. It is not being lazy. It is a necessary and healthy part of life.

#rest #selfcare #relationships #therapy #parenting #laurenshaw #thearlingtoncenter