The Middle

My husband and I have decided to plant a garden this year. I have no clue about such things, so he is definitely taking the lead on this one. The deciding to plant the garden was fun. Thinking about what vegetables we would plant and imaging a family project of caring for the garden was lots of fun.

I think I am going to like the end too. I think I will like watching the plants and vegetables grow and I know I will love enjoying the fruits of our labor.

But right now it’s not really that fun at all. Right now our garden just looks like clods of dirt in a tub, which we will eventually transplant to the ground. I know there are seeds in there. We make sure to water them. But that’s it. It just looks like dirt. And there is a big part of me that doesn’t actually believe anything will grow out of the dirt. This waiting and watching middle part is not that great. And since it’s only early May, this part is going to last awhile.

I hate the middle. The middle seat is always the worst seat in the car. My sister claims it’s the hardest being the middle child. I guess the middle part of an Oreo is pretty good, but you can always counter that bright spot by remembering apple cores and peach pits. The middle is usually not that great.

And the middle of problems can be the worst. You can feel like a character in an unfinished book, just hanging there, stuck in a never-ending trial. Or maybe things are moving, but it seems like they are just getting worse and worse. The middle of a rough season comes before you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, when all you can see is dark. The happy glow from easier times has faded and there seems to be no hope ahead. The middle is a very, very hard place to be.

It’s human nature to want to skip over the middle. We like stories with a beginning, middle, and end. When the middle is all we know, it is natural to want to rush to the end, to the solution, to the conclusion. We want an end to the struggle and discomfort of the middle. Most of us hate waiting and loathe uncertainty, and waiting and uncertainty are unavoidable characteristics of the middle.

This desire to skip over the middle is so great that sometimes we choose to avoid it altogether. We don’t plant the garden because we don’t like the wait. We don’t take the risk, make the move, or invest in the relationships because we are terrified of what the middle might look like. We fear the pain of loss, the discomfort of transition, or the awkwardness of doing something new. We are afraid of the middle so we don’t even start.

Other times we start, but once we get to the middle, we are overwhelmed by it. It feels like it is lasting too long, hurting too much, or feeling too scary. So we shut it down. We let go of the dream, end the relationship, stop creating, stop risking. We shut something down inside of us so that we no longer have to engage the pain of the middle.

Oh, what a price to pay.

When we rush past the middle or avoid it altogether, we miss the wisdom and growth and change that can only happen in that watching and waiting middle part. What’s more, we cannot get to the other side if we shut down in the middle.

You can’t go over it. You can’t go under it. You have to go through it.

We can only see the gifts of the middle once we are past it. We can only see the lessons learned, the insight gained, the growth and change experienced, when we are through to the other side. We can’t see those things when we are in it.

Trusting the process is hard. The middle is hard. But take heart. It won’t just be dirt forever. If you engage, if you struggle, if you stay open and connected, there will be growth. There will be beauty and goodness. There will be a harvest. Don’t let fear of the middle stop you from starting. Don’t let the discomfort of the middle shut you down. Keep watching, keep waiting, keep struggling. Growth will come.

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