Self-care, Dentists, and Sushi

"What are you doing to take care of yourself?"

This is one of the questions I most frequently as clients. I believe this question is vitally important to mental, emotional, and physical health. We know that children need to be cared for. We understand that they need to be fed, given opportunities to learn and grow, time to play, time to sleep and rest, time to snuggle, and time to talk. As parents, we begin by meeting these needs for our children, and then equipping them to meet those needs for themselves, both individually and in connection with others.

But somewhere along the way, many of us forget that we have those very same needs ourselves. Our hearts, bodies, souls, and minds need care too. We get so wrapped up in work and To Do lists and our families that we forget that we need care. When we do remember, that care often comes last on the list.

I find it intriguing that the answers I get to the self-care question usually fall into two categories: those that are inherently related to self-disciple and those that are richly indulgent. I hear lots of people say that to take care of themselves they should lose weight, exercise more, eat more healthfully, go to bed earlier, or keep their desk neater. I also hear lots of people say that self-care means taking a nice vacation, eating a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, letting the laundry sit in the basket, going out to eat, taking the day off work, or buying themselves something new. Basically, the “treat yourself” approach.

Here’s the thing: they can all be right. Self-care is not the same as self-discipline or self-indulgence. Self-care requires reflection.Self-care means listening to yourself and discerning what you need to be your happiest and healthiest self. This means attending to your heart, mind, soul, and body. Sometimes that means going on a run and sometimes that means taking a nap. Sometimes that means choosing a salad and sometimes that means a giant piece of chocolate cake.

I have a dental phobia. I’ve always had dentists who are charming and wonderful people whom I am deathly afraid of. It’s not a cute little fear; it’s an overwhelming, tears-in-the-eyes, take-slow-deep-breaths kinds of fear. But I really want to keep my teeth, so I work with the fear and continue to go to the dentist. Going to the dentist is an important self-care practice.

I love sushi. It is kind of expensive and always feel indulgent. I usually eat sushi with my friend Deb, and time with her is always an encouragement to my heart. Eating sushi with Deb is an important self-care practice.

Our needs vary based on our circumstances and moods. For example, many people choose to get up early and exercise most days. This is a beautiful self-care practice. But some days, perhaps after a sleepless night or a particularly stressful week, an extra hour of sleep is actually the more healthful self-care choice.

Effective self-care means listening to your heart, mind, body, and soul and determining what actions are needed to help you be your healthiest and happiest self. Sometimes self-care looks like a trip to the dentist and sometimes it looks like a plate of sushi.

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