High Five
- Lauren Shaw, PhD
- Nov 2, 2015
- 3 min read
Last Wednesday I was running errands with my one-and-a-half year old. It’s easy to forget or underestimate what a challenging feat this can be, unless you are actually doing it. She was relatively happy, but there was lots of squirming out of the front seat of the cart, throwing boots and socks on the floor and then hollering for them to be put back on, and grabbing things off shelves with her impressively long reach. By our last stop, she was over it. She was done. We were checking out at Target, and she got frustrated and started crying and yelling. We were in total meltdown mode. My plan was to get both of us out of there as quickly as possible.
As we were headed toward the door, I saw another mom with a little boy. He was completely laid out on the floor, and his protests were building. By the time my daughter and I reached the door, he was screaming. My daughter was screaming. The mom and I looked at each other and exchanged sympathetic smiles. Then, without saying a word, we spontaneously gave each other a high five. I don’t know who initiated it; I can tell you that I have never in my life randomly high-fived a stranger at Target. But it came from this deep place of solidarity, this "we’re-in-this-together" place of support and connection. It was easily my favorite interaction with a stranger ever.
And it honestly changed my day. Truthfully, days later, I am still carrying that high five with me. It was such a random moment of encouragement. I feel like there are so many lessons to be learned from that tiny, ten second interaction. Lessons about the power of encouragement over judgment, lessons about the impact you can have on the life of a stranger, lessons about the significance of small things.
But the biggest thing that I took from that moment was a powerful reminder that I am not alone, that we are in this together. C.S. Lewis wrote, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” For that tiny instant at Target, a stranger became a friend.
There are so many moments where we feel alone and think we are the only ones. When Facebook, school, work, and church seem to only show glossy pictures of smiling faces who have their acts together. I see so many Instagram pictures of peaceful women pushing carts through Target, holding their Starbucks cups. So when I am sweating in Target, trying to wrestle a fussing toddler into the cart, I feel like it’s just me. When we are crying in a parking lot, when we are feeling left out, when we experience conflict, when we are tired or sad or anxious or scared….we feel alone.
And what we need in those moments is certainly not judgement or criticism. It is not even well-meaning advice. What we need in those moments is kindness, encouragement, and connection. We need the reminder that we are not alone, that we are in this together. That sometimes we are smiling with our act together, and sometimes we are the one having the epic meltdown. We need the kindness and support of our friends and family, and sometimes even strangers. Because it is truly amazing what a kind smile and a random high five can do.
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