A Thousand and One

I won some sort of parenting lottery, and have parents that, even as a teenager, I knew to be really spectacular. I had the kind of parents that my friends wanted to be around, and would reach out to talk to about thier lives, relationships, and struggles.

I have this incredibly clear memory of sitting with my father and one of my friends. My friend was talking about a really hard part of her life, and sharing pain that caused her to question her value and worth and place in the world. I remember that I kept affirming my friend, telling her truths about who she was and who she was made to be. She shook her head through tears, and said, “I hear you saying that, but it just doesn’t sink in. I feel like I will need to hear it a thousand times before I believe it to be true.” In his slow and gentle way, my dad responded “Then we will tell you a thousand and one times.”

Even as I type this now, almost two decades later, those words still sit so heavy with me. So often there are truths that we need to hear over and over again, hundreds of times, thousands of times, millions of times. Truths that we need repeated daily before we can really grasp them, really know them to be real in the deepest parts of our souls.

We get so impatient. We are so quick to be impatient with each other and with ourselves. We think that because something doesn’t connect with us the first time, it never will. We think because we try and fail that we are a lost cause. We think that because we keep having the same fight and the same conversation, we will never break through and move forward in our marriage. We think that because we pray the same prayers they are not being heard. We fear that because our children are corrected over and over for the same thing, they are not learning.

We need repetition. Any educator will tell you the value of repetition for memory and retention. And the same is true at a soul level. Sometimes we need to hear things a thousand times before we fully grasp them, and that’s okay. Change and learning and healing all take time and repetition. Sometimes growth happens in giant, magnificent leaps. More frequently, it is a gradual, incremental shift, so small that you can’t even see it on its own. But those tiny shifts can add up to something giant and magnificent. It takes time and patience and repetition.

Let’s be people who are patient with ourselves. Let’s struggle toward growth, but not lose hope just because it is taking time. Let’s surround ourselves with people who speak into our learning and healing, and let's intentionally engage those voices, even if they may be repeating the same choruses over and over again in new and different ways. Let’s stay the course.

Let’s be people who are patient with each other. Let’s keep speaking the hard truths, repeating the chorus and finding new ways to communicate hope and restoration. Let’s allow each other time to heal and change, and applaud the tiny shifts and small buds of growth.

Let’s be people who are willing to listen and willing to speak the same truths a thousand and one times, because sometimes, that is what it takes.

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