Enough

One of my least favorite truths is that the things that make me most crazy about other people are always also true of me. So when someone in my life has a pattern or trait that is making me feel like I am going to lose it, it tells me something about myself that I need to work on.

Right now my six-year old is deep in a season of “more.” He always wants to know when he is going to get another treat, when we are going to do something else, when he can have more fun, more screen time, more sugar, more, more, more. It is only a slight exaggeration to say that he will be eating an ice cream cone and ask when we can get ice cream again. And it is making me crazy. The rational part of me tells me that it is through these interactions and conversations that he will learn, and that I need to engage him and work through this phase. The rest of me is annoyed and frustrated.

But he is six, and this is an appropriate developmental phase. I am not six, and the truth is that a part of me is discontent and greedy, which is why I am so triggered by this behavior. The truth is that I frequently find myself in seasons of “more.” I want more; more chocolate, more coffee, more clothes, more books, more time, more money, more adventure, more vacation. I want to get more done, be more productive. It is hard to admit this; I am fully aware of how ugly it sounds. But I also know that I am not alone. We live in a culture that encourages and feeds consumerism, and so often I jump right into the swirling vortex of want.

Oh, what a dangerous place to live. When we get caught up in the want and the more, we lose the enough. We lose the ability to just be, quietly, peacefully, and calmly. We get antsy when there is space, and we reach for our phones to fill the quiet or food to fill the emptiness. We are always taking, always filling up. We’ve lost the ability to be what Ann Lamott calls “gently satisfied.”

And the really dangerous thing is that none of the things we seek to fill the quiet and emptiness actually fill it. In fact, they just leave us wanting more. There’s a scene in The Phantom Tollbooth where Milo is served food that only makes him hungrier. The more he eats, the more hungry he is. And isn’t that just the way it is with so many of the things we want more of? The more we get, the more we want, and it is never enough.

I want to learn the art of being gently satisfied. I want to learn that love and connection are the only things that can really fill that craving for more. I want to sit in the calm and the still, to take long pauses, to feel the desire for more and tell myself “enough.” I want to acknowledge that some cravings will never be fulfilled on this side of eternity, and that is ok. I want to enjoy the ice cream as I am eating it, and not worry about when I will get ice cream again.

I think the only way to get to this place of enough is to practice it. To practice full awareness of the good things we have, the feeling of gentle satisfaction, and the intensity of the craving for more. To be aware and appreciative of each of those experiences, and to inhale gratitude and exhale “enough.” I know there are extremes of minimalism and excess, and I believe there may be seasons where both are appropriate. But most of the time, health lies somewhere between the two extremes, in the land of enough.

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