A Father’s Blessing

By Brad Olson, Psy.D.,M.Div.

You know those words you hear people say about you that sorta just "hang in the air"? The kind you don't like because you fear they might be true? Those words can last a lifetime... hanging in the air for years.

Mine happened in 11th grade. Summertime. My best friend's mom asked him to do some yard work before supper. We were just hanging out and I obviously had nothing better to do. But when I quickly decided it was time for me to leave, Joel leaned up against the car, folded his arms and looked down at me, and said, "Buddy, you are the most lazy guy I have ever seen." I chuckled, he chuckled, and I drove away. But those words hung in the air for many years, 'cause I feared they were true.

You see, I was never a really great student. It's not like I couldn't do the work, grades were "ok", I was just bored and didn't care about doing the work. I had learned the fine art of procrastination, as they say: "Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now!" Over time... I began to believe it. Maybe I was lazy?

I was working on the pathway at the side of my house one day about 8 or 9 years ago. Dad was sitting on the Adirondack bench on the patio and doing what he loves to do when he comes to town- sit in the sun and wood carve. On this particular Saturday I was completing a stone walkway. After I laid the first stone I bent down with my eye close to the ground how level it was and where I needed to make adjustments. Dad saw what I was doing and asked, “Why don’t you use a level to make sure?” My response was reflective of my exhaustion. The level was stashed away in the garage. I replied, “I’m too lazy.” Dad simply shrugged and went back to his carving.

What came from his mouth a moment later was no more than a passing comment- which is why it sounded so beautiful. It wasn’t forced. It wasn’t planned. He didn't even stop carving to say it like he was trying to make a point. It was just an observation- spoken simply and directly. He shook his head and said “Lazy? That’s the last thing I’ve ever thought of you. Boy, you’ve exceeded more in your life than I could have ever imagined.” He continued carving with his head down.

I took a deep breath and inhaled those words like a sweet aroma. Wow. Not wanting to make too big of a deal of the comment, I quietly went about my business. But the words kept ringing in my ears. Knowing the power and impact of those words, my wife walked around to the side where I was working to make sure I heard what he said. "Did you hear what your father said?", she asked.

Of course I heard it. It knocked me off my feet. Those words that hung in the air since 11th grade were just smashed 23 years later by the passing comment of a father to his son. I sat by the side of my house in the dirt of my half completed walkway and cried like a 10-year-old boy. It felt so good inside. I felt so lucky. Dad was proud of me... and he told me so.

Don’t believe for a second that your words mean nothing to your children. They are powerful. They are heard. They can be weapons...or nourishment...at any age. Perhaps this is the one of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child... spoken words that tell them they are loved and accepted, words of approval, and blessing.

#parenting #bradleyolson #arlingtoncounselingassociates #lovelanguage #love #relationships #thearlingtoncenter